No Potter for me

So the group is out seeing the new Harry Potter film and I am stuck at home with an ear infection. I wish things were better but it has given me some time for introspection. I walked the campus a bit this evening and took a trip out to the fountains at the LBJ, a spot I like to go to think.

I find myself being very tired of being tired. I must admit I haven’t felt very good this semester about a number of things and I don’t know if it is because of genuine problems or mere ghosts in the wind. I feel the groups I used to spend allot of time with are distancing themselves from me and I don’t know how to bring them back. I miss my old RA allot. He always seemed to be around when I wanted to talk and despite the fact I get to see him twice a week still, we don’t really get to hang out and shoot the breeze these days. When I find people I like I tend to stick to them and I feel very much like I drive them away.

As far as the 10th floor crew is concerned I feel like they are very much dedicated to their own goals these days. In recent years I have been building up a considerable animosity towards women and the introduction of a fresh load of them has tossed my friends into wildly chaotic states. I feel like as if I have been singled out as unacceptable and in the process of being excised. I realize that I am perhaps generating this reality for myself, but I feel more and more like I am the last person to be notified of the goings on these days. Caravans of people I feel I used to know very well come in and out of my room talking of things I know nothing about and not uttering a single word to me in passing. I didn’t even find out about Harry Potter until this evening. The worst fear I can imagine is disappearing and being forgotten.